Dead Again

Well, I'm dead again in Aglarond.

How? Well, remember how I said I wasn't going to become John Brown and fight to free the slaves? That was before I got word from another player that she'd been made a slave against her will. Now, she could have just walked away from the whole thing, but she's a very dedicated roleplayer, and that would have violated the game in progress. Might even have required her to leave the sim altogether, at least in that alt. So she stayed a slave, and hated it.

Then I came along. I'd gotten OOC (out of character) word from her previously that this was her situation, but had not had an opportunity to deal with it in the context of the game. And after her going through being a slave to preserve that integrity, I was not about to break it. But the other day we had a chance to interact, and I was able to come to an in-character realization that she was not able to respond freely. That, in fact, her words were being fed to her from an outside source.

I went berserk. As Creag, I've long since established that I have a lot of patience, but that when it goes I lose it completely. And I did. Know what a fae warrior on the attack is like? Imagine a six-foot mosquito diving madly after you. With a sword.

I was deadly. I was magnificent. I was on fire. Literally -- a damned wizard stuck a fireball on my butt. And that is what killed me.

I got sent to Heaven, got my soul put on trial, and proceeded to turn it into the damnedest discussion of free will Heaven ever saw. I was passionate, noble, and sometimes outright rude to the panel of angels judging me. When the time came for my sentence, I'd managed to inflame things to the point that one of them got up and stormed off in disagreement with the others, and the trial had to restart with a replacement.

Ultimately, the decision was to not make a decision. The slave was sent back to her master until one could be made, and I was told to stay in Heaven and not talk to anyone about the trial for two days, while the angels figured out what to do with a fae crazy enough to take on some of the toughest customers in the kingdom in what amounted to a suicide attack, to free a slave he sincerely believed was a prisoner not only in body but in mind. Essentially doing the wrong thing, for the right reason.

But in the process, I've opened discussion of the nature of slavery, the value of free will, and the importance of the individual standing up firmly for what he believes. I've galvanized the kingdom, polarized the angels, and scandalized Heaven. I've gotten people talking, and thinking, and having a blast doing it. This may be my most satisfying roleplaying moment ever.

If I just wasn't stuck sitting on this blasted cloud.

Status Report From Somewhere Deep in the Woods

Wow, where to start...

I am not even going to try to tell all that's been happening. In big strokes, I can say that Jenn's RL has gotten better, worse, better, much worse, better, much much worse, and now seems to have moved to better again. Still pretty much a mess and leaving her only in-world sporadically, but we keep hoping for improvement.

The Fae King business has been a bit slow lately. We've has a few adventures in Gamilia, and a couple of weddings, but the roleplay has just sort of bogged down. The High King called a meeting recently and chewed out all the group leaders, and we've been tasked to come up with some rp activities. Me, I'm working on an idea that will give my faes something to do and provide a jumping-off place for future role play. So if you're one of the fae and you've been feeling a bit abandoned, I apologize. I've been letting myself get very caught up in my own personal stuff, and not been the King my subjects deserve. I promise to do better, and y'all will be hearing from me in-world soon.

On the personal side, I've been learning, about SL and myself. I've learned that even in a fantasy world, you can need a way to get away. I've learned that some things I thought I knew about myself just weren't true. And I've come to realize that I have made some harsh judgements in the past that were at best overreactions.

What's this all about? Well... for example, I've never thought of myself as a person who is into D/s games. In SL, though, every activity is at just enough of a remove that I find myself watching my own actions as a semi-spectator, and I have come to realize that I was full of, um, manure. I'm a dominant guy. I always have been. I just didn't get that, because my mental picture of dominance was limited; since I had no desire to be cruel to anyone (well, almost anyone) I thought I could never fit in that box. But I take charge of things; in RL I tend to let others run things day-to-day, but when I see something that's screwed up I just have to step in and take charge. And in my personal relationships I'm always the one in the driver's seat. I just can't imagine ever wanting to have someone else controlling me.

All pretty much classic Dom stuff, I'm finding out. And the thing about not wanting someone else to control me? Another misunderstanding on my part. Hey, I don't find men sexy either -- but you know what, lots of the people I do find sexy do find men sexy (thank goodness). Just because I like or don't like something doesn't make it right or wrong. You think that's a lesson you learn when you're about four, but still you keep learning it over and over all your life...

And yes, I'm not a cruel person. I'm actually rather pathetically tenderhearted over most things. I cry at Walt Disney movies. I cry at supermarket openings. But part of being that tenderhearted is wanting to bring as much happiness a possible to someone you love. And sometimes that person will want you to treat them in a way that does not belong in a Disney movie. But if that's what brings them joy, then it's a good thing.

And while I'm at it, I am feeling less outraged by SL slavery than I was. Yes, I still have concerns. But really, it is a fantasy. A way of stimulating the release of endorphins. In essence, a drug. And I've always been in favor of allowing adults to make their own mistakes. Some people can't handle alcohol, or pot, or gambling, and some can. It's an adult activity because it's a choice an adult can make, and if they find they can't handle it it's their responsibility to walk away from it. So I'm not going to become the John Brown of Second Life, crusading to free the slaves and kill the slave traders. Well, I might, but only for the sake of interesting role play.

Not to give the impression that all Jenn and I have been doing is having kinky slave sex. We've just been going through some things, both in our roleplay experiences and out, that have had me reexamining what I thought was true, and finding that some of the facts I've been living by are just a coat of paint over more complicated, and more interesting, things.

So there. Not my funniest post, or my longest, or one full of chatty goings-on in the life of Creag the Fae. Just a little blat of info from a guy whose RL has been inhumanly busy (in my job, about 80% of my business is done from June through August) and whose SL has been full of storms and change. I think I've been growing up some. An uncomfortable proposition at any age, but being this far from the Acne Years it's come as a real kick in the head. I'll try to be more of a regular correspondent from now on... and thanks for sticking around.

Opening Day

The first thing to happen on Gamilia's opening day was not a good one.

Night before last, just as I was about to go to bed at a bit past midnight, I checked my phone for Yahoo IM's. I get enough of them in an evening that to avoid annoying Ash with the constant chiming I silence the alert tone and just look at it a lot. Sitting there on the phone was a message that I hoped never to see. Jenn's RL spouse had given her an ultimatum: SL or him.

I went to bed in a kind of stunned state, and woke the next morning in much the same. Ash and I had had a similar confrontation some time back, so it's possible for this to just be one of those hot moments that cool with time. But from what I know of him, Jenn's RL is not as moderate or reasonable as Ash. There's a good chance he's serious.

I started off my day in Gamilia being a dutiful fae king. I put in a couple more little touches -- some butterflies, a pose here and there -- and picked up a new outfit to greet the guests in. I answered some IM's from prospective faes, and generally went along doing what had to be done. But a lot of the heart had gone out of things for me. I had a long father-son talk with Evan (who really is turning into something of a son to me; SL has more than one surprising relationship hiding in it) and prepared for the official opening at noon.

At 11:30 I had to go RL for a vet appointment, but it's a short trip and I knew I would be back by noon. Driving home, "our song," the one we'd danced to at our wedding, came on the radio. I couldn't stop the tears.

Noon came. I was in my new green robes and crown and went to the town square to join the party. It was a small one, largely made up of folks who were involved in setting up Gamilia, but one person was there whom I really wanted to see: Meara Deschanel, mermaid extraordinaire. The gathering went on in friendly fashion for a while, and then I asked Meara if she'd care to see more of the land than a town square with a picnic lunch. We waved goodbye, and went off to survey the kingdom.

Well, the mermaid bay is not as well-decorated as the fae domains. I've been getting lots of "attaboys" from High Queen Kitti over the work I've been doing getting my part of things in order, but I honestly had been so focused on that part that I'd not looked at the other areas all that much. The fact that it's possible for an inattentive swimmer to drown in Gamilia had led me to stay out of water more than waist-deep altogether. So I'm king á la chicken, chicken of the sea, don't rub it in, I was just embarrassed enough at the dearth of cool mermaid stuff. Meara was kind enough to make some suggestions, and I swear on my 300-watt crown (hey a fae king ought to walk around in a perpetual spotlight, right?) that I will see things remedied.

Then we took in the dancing circle and the fae caves, and while we were there we were joined by Alicia as one of the cutest li'l faes you ever could see. Then I gave away a deep, dark secret and showed them the gateway to the Secret Fae Garden, with all its wicked, fun, grownup animations. Which we did NOT make full use of, delightful though the prospect might have been, thank you. Instead Meara and I danced (she first in the shape of a really cute faun, then as a wickedly good-looking mermaid) while Alicia flew about and was generally funny and cute, both things she does on a world-class level.

Me and a faun-ing subject of Gamilia

We then repaired to the town square to introduce Alicia to any who had not yet had the pleasure. Alicia and Meara both said their goodbyes, and I went off to spar at the arena -- where I got ye olde snot kicked out of me by a girl. Really, I'm soooooo out of shape, gotta spend less time on interior decoration.

And while I was getting beat on, who suddenly appears but my angel, my Jenn! I made the fastest goodbyes I thought I could get away with, and we repaired to our home for some privacy. The rest of the afternoon does not bear reporting on in detail; a gentleman must have some discretion. Leave it said that I was a very bad Fae King and completely blew off the 3PM treasure hunt in Gamilia. Please, my subjects, forgive me; I knew not if it was the last private moment Jenn and I might ever share.

And I still don't.

We dallied until the early evening, when we both had to break off to feed our inconveniently hungry RL selves, and then came time for the High King's Ball. Now there may be those who contend that High Kings don't have Balls, but I am here to tell you that High King Iozz has shown me at least one, and while it was perhaps not the largest I've seen it was a very good one. Only one of my fae subjects showed up, the lovely and refined Emyly Beaumont, who won the king's "Princess for a Day" contest, complete with a full set of furniture and two weeks' free use of a house in the village. Meara also came, with a very charming gentleman whom I hope was not put off by the less-than-medieval atmosphere. Y'see, Iozz is a DJ and a tribute-band musician in SL, and he had one of his compadres DJ the party for us. All in all it was more like an evening at the club, or Hump Night with a less-adorable DJ, than a true Medieval ball. We all had a really good time, all who showed -- it was a bit sparsely attended. I was hoping more might come, but it was probably my fault for not showing up in the afternoon. I let my people down. I regret that, too, but given the circumstances, I'd do it again.

At the ball I danced with most of the ladies present, but reserved most of my time for Jenn, who came in a purple gown and her most graceful wings. Each of us dedicated songs to the other and we danced and talked and talked and danced. As the evening faded and the guests departed, it was like I could physically feel us clinging to each other. Finally the time came when I had to go; my RL wife needed me and I have long since promised that she always gets first dibs. So I said farewell, and I still do not know if I will ever see Jenn again.

A bittersweet day. One I will remember as long as I live.

So how was your day?

The Night Before...

So tomorrow is the Grand Opening for Gamilia. I'm told that as things stand the population is largely Fae and Demon, so you faes out there -- drag your guys in! Put 'em in the free clothes at the market if they don't have their own suit of armor or Hippogriff avatar, and come in to party and dance! I'll be around most of the day, and if I'm not doing king-stuff I'll either be dancing or available to spar at the arena (for anyone who's got a secretly harbored urge to regicide). The High King is planning some giveaways, I know not of what, but there will be prizes involved! The doors open officially at noon SL time!

Thanks to Tym & Cas I now have some things to do in the water, some floats and such and a couple more romantic ones; I'm open to more if anyone has any suggestions. I've set out a new set of fantasy seats at the dance circle, as well as a couple of more formal couples dances. There's also a secret dance hidden by the circle if anyone goes looking for it. I put a slow dance in the secret garden, for those who prefer their passion vertical and clothed. And the TP for the secret garden is not all that hidden; look around a bit in the more obvious places and you ought to find it -- at least for now.

Work is a Four Letter Word

Yesterday was a work day for me, both RL and SL. I started off the day working on the Secret Garden in Gamilia, then put in a full and hectic day's work in RL, then back to Gamilia to finish some construction that I'd left undone in the morning. Then, finally, some time with Jenn.

You know how, sometimes, you're so drained from work that all you can do is just hold hands and talk? It happens in both RL and SL. By the time Jenn and I got together, it was all I could do to hold a halfway intelligent conversation. Just forget anything deep. So we hung out on the bridge in the garden, looking at the stars in the sky and each others' eyes, and spoke in banalities until I had to log off to do some more unavoidable RL stuff.

It was a day where I got a lot done, but not having the energy left for Jenn that I usually have was disappointing. I'm sorry, Love. Even so, the worst night together is better than the best night apart.

And at least I got a good picture...

______________________________

Hey! It just struck me... anyone got a good place to pick up some "playing in the water" poseballs? I've got this GREAT pool in the fae cave, but nothing fun to DO in it... Please help!

The Tarot Meme

Saw this on Cen's blog, and also on Meara's... try it, it's fun.

You are The Hierophant

Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.

All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.

The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.

What Tarot Card are You?

Take the Test to Find Out.

YES! SHE'S BACK!

In case you missed the comment on the previous entry...

JENN'S BACK!!!

Not as often as I'd like, since she's sharing a computer with her RL spouse, but she is getting online some... And I am very, very happy.

(Creag Emmons smiles so big his jaw hurts.)